In the tenth chapter of Eclipse, everything is awkward and boring and revolting at the same time. There's no progression of anything, Bella devotes her entire self to Edward yet again, and blah blah blah do you even care anymore? It doesn't matter, though, because something else in the Twilight world has made an appearance and it might possibly be worse than the whole series combined. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Eclipse...and something else.
Let's just get this out of the way because there is something far more important we need to talk about.
CHAPTER 10: SCENT
In chapter 10, Edward and Bella realize that someone has taken virtually everything in Bella's room that has her scent. They don't know who it is. Edward calms down and let's Bella goes to Jacob's house without his permission, which is kind of cool, but there's probably an ulterior motive at hand, but we don't know yet.
THE END. THAT'S ALL THAT HAPPENS FOR 25 PAGES. Glad I could condense this wankery into three sentences for y'all. This is what I do for you!
So let's move on to something far more important: The 7 Lessons Guys Can Learn from Edward Cullen
Before you even take a moment to watch this garbage, let me reduce this to just one lesson and what this video should say:
DO NOT BE EDWARD CULLEN AND DO NOT TAKE INSPIRATION FROM HIS TECHNIQUES.
There you go. But that's not what it says, so let's go for it.
As you watch this, keep in mind that this moron is a COUNSELOR. PEOPLE PAY HER. TO GIVE ADVICE. Remember this.
Sit down. Brace yourself.
I told you to sit down.
First off, WHO DOES THIS WOMAN KNOW. 98%. I WILL NEED TO SEE PROOF OF THIS.
Wait, it gets better. I mean worse.
Oh, just for the record, OME means, "Oh my Edward!"
Ready for some heteronormative, sexist wankery? Even worse than all of Twilight? You're not, but here comes Lesson #1:
Oh, awesome. Aileen, please tell me what it means to be a man.
A "real" sense? I fear you're going to elaborate.
Oh jesus, this is not happening.
What? I thought we already were on Lesson #1. I'M SO CONFUSED.
This isn't that bad. I don't think this means a person is "deep," but you shouldn't have to "show" interest. Just BE interested.
I'm sorry, this is like Lesson #3 already.
Ok, no, Lesson #4, but let's just move on. I don't even understand this. This has absolutely nothing to do with gender and....wouldn't you be doing this anyway if you're in a relationship with someone? What? Ugh.
Wait. WHAT. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN.
Aileen elaborates. By saying that Angel SPIKE (HOW DID I MAKE THAT MISTAKE WTF), from Buffy The Vampire Slayer, is a good person to look to wards to explain this, using a great quote from him towards Buffy in the 7th season.
Except...didn't Angel Spike try to RAPE BUFFY. LIKE. SERIOUSLY. ISN'T THAT A HUGE THING TO LEAVE OUT OF THIS. (Much props to Ashly for pointing this out.)
Yeah, this is Lesson #5. And some more sexist language! Men aren't wusses. That's what women are.
Sit down again, if you've stood up. This one....sigh.
I'm done with pleasantries. FUCK YOU, Aileen Santos. You are enabling and engendering the kind of overprotective, abusive controlling that men have been doing for CENTURIES against women. Women don't need to be protected: MEN NEED TO STOP DOING THINGS TO WOMEN THAT MIGHT REQUIRE THEIR PROTECTION. This is important: The burden is not on women to make sure they're safe. The burden is on men (and women) to stop committing crimes against each other.
You are a counselor??? HOW. STOP GIVING ADVICE.
This is LESSON #7. I LITERALLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW ANY OF THIS BELONGS IN THE SAME LESSON.
Also: THIS HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY GENDER.
Lesson #8. And are you insinuating that the man should be the one who who defines the relationship and the sexual boundaries? Surely, you must be joking.
- 8:08 - "For a lot of women, it's such a relief to have a male romantic character taking charge of every aspect of their romantic relationship. And if you want more details about this, I suggest you go read Twilight."
WHO ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH? WHO DO YOU COMMUNICATE WITH ON A DAILY BASIS? WHAT WOMEN CAN YOU POSSIBLY KNOW THAT WANT THE MEN IN THEIR LIVES TO TAKE CHARGE OF EVERY ASPECT OF THEIR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP?
Please, seriously, stop giving advice. You are not a counselor.
Lesson #9 and YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE TO BE KIDDING WITH THIS ONE. You just made your previous lesson all about how the power in the relationship should all belong to the man. HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THIS GLARING CONTRADICTION?
Except, of course, in every aspect of their romantic relationship. The man better be in charge or he's not a real man!
Lesson #10. And I dread what is ahead.
You are not serious.
So women want to have the engines of their car removed so that they can't visit their friends? They want someone to sneak into their room at night, without their permission, to watch them while they sleep? They want someone who lies and manipulates other people? They want someone who is so controlling that you can't do anything without his permission?
WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE? EDWARD CULLEN IS PSYCHOTIC AND SERIOUSLY DISTURBED. HE IS 100+ YEARS OLD AND HE IS PINING FOR A MINOR AND HE WILL ONLY HAVE SEX WITH HER WHEN SHE IS MARRIED TO HIM BECAUSE IT IS NOT ABOUT LOVE, IT'S ABOUT ANCIENT RELIGIOUS TRADITIONS THAT HAVE NO REAL BEARING ON OUR LIVES ANYMORE.
FYI, this is Lesson #11. And please, Aileen, please inform us what this reality check is.
No, their relationship works because....WAIT A SECOND. IT DOES NOT WORK AT ALL. They constantly fight, they don't trust each other, one of them is a controlling, abusive shitbag while the other is an entitled, whiny, manipulative waste of space, and they are the UNHAPPIEST COUPLE OF ALL TIME.
You know who generally knows best about a woman? The woman in question. Stop this.
NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING A MAN. AT ALL.
Few things in this world have ever left me so disgusted than this. I am at a loss.
Get it guys? Because you're not a man unless you enjoy Twilight and use it to model your life after it.
Actually in the video. A swift death is all I ask for.
Please abort this project. You should be writing a sequel that addresses the insane idea that you find these horrible, deplorable characters to be good role models.
And this is what I have to face all the time. This is the kind of bullshit I've been hearing since I was a kid. I've had such deep and painful issues with my masculinity, especially being a homosexual male, that to see that people are still perpetuating such moronic stereotypes or defining exactly how I'm supposed express my gender IN 2009 upsets me greatly. There is virtually nothing in her entire 15 minute video that has anything to do with gender except the same nonsensical gender binary wankery that most people seem to accept.
Where do gay men and women fit into this? What about trans men and trans women? This video is an utter nightmare for all those who don't fit neatly into the gender spectrum. And even for those who do, controlling a romantic relationship is not something to celebrate.
Again, how is this person coaching anyone on how to live their life?
Also, have fun on her website. Don't be mean.