Mark Reads Twilight's Blog
Mark Reads 'Breaking Dawn': Chapter 29
In the twenty-ninth chapter of Breaking Dawn, Stephenie Meyer, once again, references an important literary work that is actually better than any sentence she has ever written. In doing so, she directly spoils the climax to her own novel. Again. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Breaking Dawn.
Mark Reads 'Breaking Dawn': Chapter 28
In the twenty-eighth chapter of Breaking Dawn, I LITERALLY DO NOT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE. Thanks, Stephenie Meyer. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Breaking Dawn.
Mark Reads 'Breaking Dawn': Chapter 27
In the twenty-seventh chapter of Breaking Dawn, it becomes painfully obvious that Stephenie Meyer has ran out of any more of her batshit ideas and is merely stalling until she can think of a way to advance her own plot. It's so bad that weeks pass in just a couple sentences. And then another vampire shows up and we're forced to prepare for the end of this shitfest. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Breaking Dawn.
Mark Reads 'Breaking Dawn': Chapter 26
In the twenty-sixth chapter of Breaking Dawn, Charlie is really awkward and Emmett and Bella have an arm wrestling match. Then they kill a bunch of trees and rocks. WHAT DID NATURE DO TO YOU? Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Breaking Dawn.
Mark Reads 'Breaking Dawn': Chapter 25
In the twenty-fifth chapter of Breaking Dawn, HOW IS THIS A PUBLISHED NOVEL IN THE 21ST FUCKING CENTURY? Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Breaking Dawn.
Mark Reads 'Breaking Dawn': Chapter 24
In the twenty-fourth chapter of Breaking Dawn, Bella gets an entire cottage for her birthday and proceeds to christen it by having some of the most horrifying sex imaginable with Edward. Just when you thought this book could not get worse, it gets worse. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Breaking Dawn.
Mark Reads 'Breaking Dawn': Chapter 23
In the twenty-third chapter of Breaking Dawn, we learn more about baby Renesmee's bizarre talent to project her thoughts onto other people. Through this, we learn that an infant who is just days old has already chosen Jacob as her soulmate. SERIOUSLY. SERIOUSLY. SERIOUSLY. SERIOUSLY. It only gets worse from here on out. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Breaking Dawn.
Mark Reads 'Breaking Dawn': Chapter 22
In the twenty-second chapter of Breaking Dawn, a whole lot happens and, truthfully, it's incredibly hard to describe it. There's a scent test, a thought-projecting infant, child rape (I think???), a whole lot of anger, and just....I don't even know. I just don't know how to do this anymore. If you're still intrigued, then it's still time for me to read Breaking Dawn.
Mark Reads 'Breaking Dawn': Chapter 21
In the twenty-first chapter of Breaking Dawn, Meyer actually writes a passage that's tolerable and kind of poetic. Like all things positive and good in the world, the author then has to immediately ruin everything ever for everyone. Because we get to witness Bella hunting. All hope is lost if you enter this review. Still intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Breaking Dawn.
Full review of the 21st chapter of Breaking Dawn inside...
Mark Reads 'Breaking Dawn': Chapter 20
In the twentieth chapter of Breaking Dawn, we're introduced to the world of vampirism through Bella's eyes. Giving Bella a perfect body, heightened senses, and a lack of human emotions doesn't change her at all. She's still incredibly whiny, lacks self-esteem, and entirely dependent on Edward for her every move. It's only going to get incredibly weird (and incredibly boring) from here on out. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Breaking Dawn.
