In the eleventh chapter of Eclipse, Bella spends more time with the Quileute tribe and listens to Billy tell the story of the origin of werewolves. And it's not stupid. It's actually kind of compelling. But leave it up to Meyer to ruin it with some sexism/non-inclusion of any females in the story. Oh, until it's revealed that a woman can save everyone by killing herself. What. Also, she quotes Wuthering Heights again. Please stop. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Eclipse.
In the tenth chapter of Eclipse, everything is awkward and boring and revolting at the same time. There's no progression of anything, Bella devotes her entire self to Edward yet again, and blah blah blah do you even care anymore? It doesn't matter, though, because something else in the Twilight world has made an appearance and it might possibly be worse than the whole series combined. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Eclipse...and something else.
In the ninth chapter of Eclipse, Stephenie Meyer actually introduces a conflict before the 400 page mark. Seriously! And in a moment that surely deserves praise, Meyer ruins everything by creating a situation that makes no sense. Some mystery vampire takes a shirt of Bella's. That's it. Then Jacob and Edward talk on the phone and this is just so so so so so boring. Blah. Intrigued? You shouldn't be, but if you are, then it's time for Mark to read Eclipse.
In the eighth chapter of Eclipse, we find out that Jacob's friend Quil imprints on a two-year old. Two. TWO. We're still not told what imprinting actually is, but it's still reminiscent of rape. And there's an incestual subtext to it all. No lying. Then Bella goes home to Alice and Edward and the "SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE IS REALLY BAD" theme rears its ugly head again. AGAIN. Sigh. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Eclipse.
After a ten day absence, I'm back. Mark Reads Twilight is back. And, as if the gods intended for this happen exactly this way, the chapter in Eclipse that I resume my reviewing with is chapter seven. In the seventh chapter of Eclipse, we found out that Rosalie is an asshole NOT because she was raped as a human but because she is a bitter, vain, and egocentric waste of space. NO. REALLY. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to start reading Eclipse again.
In the sixth chapter of Eclipse, Stephenie Meyer makes light of one of the most hilarious subjects to ever exist in our fine world: kidnapping. And possessive relationships. Seriously, it's comedy. Once Edward learns that Bella's gonna visit Jacob while he's off hunting again, he makes sure his whole family holds her hostage in their house. It's the most hysterical thing ever! Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Eclipse.
In the fifth chapter of Eclipse, Bella spends more time with Jacob, which Meyer uses as an opportunity to fill in more backstory for why werewolves are the way they are and why Jacob is the most awesome person ever. Oh yeah, except for that imprinting thing. Yeah, Meyer introduces the theme of "imprinting," which is a combination between predestination and something akin to rape. It doesn't get any less weird. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Eclipse.
In the fourth chapter of Eclipse, Bella makes a sudden decision to disobey Edward's demands and goes to hang out with Jacob. Awesome, right? Wrong. Because we learn that Bella believes Edward has never mistreated her, is the perfect boyfriend, and Jacob is "self-righteous." Her words. The entire chapter is then wasted on some truly stupid dialogue about "nature" and then it just ends. Bleh. If you're still intrigued, then it's time for Mark to read Eclipse.
In the third chapter of Eclipse, Meyer spends a great deal of time demeaning every woman who tries to be honest, stand up for herself, and or exhibit any sense of independence. Consequently, this means she makes sure that every male that graces the pages of chapter three is EXTRA MANLY and POWERFUL and full of WELL-MEANING PSYCHOSIS. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Eclipse.
In the second chapter of Eclipse, we are left dumbfounded by Edward removing the engine of Bella's car in order to prevent her from seeing Jacob. Repeat: Edward removes the engine of Bella's car in order to prevent her from from seeing Jacob. Did you get that? Edward removes the engine of Bella's car in order to prevent her from seeing Jacob. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Eclipse.